Brent Cole went out of his way to fulfill his responsibilities and was determined not to let cancer get in the way.
He had a leadership position in the Air National Guard and “still went in to drill once a month,” said his wife of 26 years, Colleen Cole, 48. “Even though he was sick, he wanted to be there and help. I don’t think I could have done what he did with such grace and unselfishness.”
Chief Master Sgt. Cole died March 13 at age 53 following a yearlong battle with cancer. He grew up in Fenton, playing football and baseball and riding bikes with his brother, Bill. Later, he umpired softball and baseball at Fenton City Park.
After graduating from Fox High School in 1983, he attended Southeast Missouri State University.
“He joined the Air National Guard in 1987,” his wife said. “He started working on F-4s as a crew chief, and later he worked operations at Jefferson Barracks. He finished his bachelor’s in business communications at Washington University in 1991.”
The Coles met on a blind date in 1990 and were married in 1992. They welcomed a son in 1998 and a daughter a few years later.
“After our daughter was born, Brent converted to Catholicism,” Colleen said. “A family friend was the parish priest at St. Andrews in South County, and that’s why we went there.”
Mr. Cole was an active member of the church community.
“He did a little bit of everything,” his wife said. “He ran a youth group, he was a Eucharistic minister, he worked the fish fries.”
He also became a familiar fixture at Sherwood Elementary, where Colleen is principal.
“Every year, he would come on the first day and help the kids find their way around,” she said. “He really enjoyed that. The kids called him Mr. Doctor Cole.”
The Coles and their dog, Daisy, graduated in May 2018 from therapy dog training, and Mr. Cole and Daisy went to work.
“His goal was to take her to the VA hospital to provide comfort to soldiers,” Colleen said. “One time, there was a young lady who was paralyzed and learning to walk, and he and Daisy got to be there to cheer her on. He was really proud of that.”
Mr. Cole also had been working toward a longtime dream: a pilot’s license.
“He finished the classes in the spring of 2018 and was working on getting flight hours,” his wife said.
Colleen said her husband was known for his sunny disposition and eagerness to help others.
“He had a lot of friends, and he was very well respected by his colleagues,” she said. “If someone was having a hard time, he would try to help them out. It was always, ‘Hey, we’re a team; we work together and help each other.’ He was always trying to be a good friend and role model.”
In May 2018, after several months of not feeling well, Mr. Cole sought medical advice.
“They did some tests and said his liver looked a little enlarged and fatty,” Colleen said. An October scan was scheduled.
“Brent said the tech should be a professional poker player because her face didn’t give any hint of what she was seeing – a volleyball-sized tumor on his liver.”
Mr. Cole had been deployed to the Middle East in 2008 and 2016.
“He was in Afghanistan, Baghdad, Jordan, the United Arab Emirates,” Colleen said. “They are doing research on whether (the tumor) could have been exposure to some sort of toxin, but they still don’t know what caused it.”
Colleen said the disease progressed rapidly.
“Once it had gone to his lungs, they couldn’t do anything,” she said.
The couple made a trip to the MD Anderson Cancer Center in Houston, where Mr. Cole underwent three days of rigorous testing for a chemotherapy treatment.
“It was horrible,” Colleen said. “They put him through the wringer. Then they said his levels were too high. With the numbers he had, it would shorten his life rather than prolong it.”
Back in St. Louis, the family struggled with Mr. Cole’s increasing symptoms.
“He had a lot of back pain, nausea, coughing,” Colleen said. “He had talked to someone at Jefferson Barracks who recommended he call hospice. I was against it, because to me that seemed like giving up and facing the end of life.”
But hospice turned out to be the best decision for the family.
“They were amazing, with the quality of life they were able to provide him in the last two months,” Colleen said. “And we had some fun. We went out to eat, went to the movies, just hung out as a family, just tried to cherish every moment.
“He had traveled the world; so there wasn’t a big to push to go anywhere or see things; he just wanted to be with the family.”
Mr. Cole had been determined to make it to his 32nd anniversary with the Air National Guard.
“That was Feb. 24, and he made it,” Colleen said. “We celebrated our 29th dating anniversary, too.”
Colleen said she hopes to start a foundation in her husband’s name.
“I want to work on getting protocols changed in our area,” she said. “There definitely needs to be better screening for cancers. I’ve learned that a lot of the things we saw along the way were red flags for cancer.
“Our goal would be to help others not have to go through something like this.”
“Life Story,” posted Saturdays on Leader Publications’ website, focuses on one individual’s impact on his or her community.