Ann Marie Held’s family knew when they heard her say, “Well, what you need to do is …” that an order, thinly veiled as a suggestion, was on its way.
“It was comical,” her son, Andy Held, said. “We always teased her about it. But, you know, nine times out of 10 she ended up being right.”
Mrs. Held, a longtime nurse, died May 28 of complications from amyotrophic lateral sclerosis.
She grew up in Centralia, Ill., the daughter of immigrants.
“Her mom was from Austria and her dad was from a village near Prague (Czechoslovakia),” said oldest daughter Margaret “Margo” Pigg, 53, of Festus. “My grandmother spoke no English when she got here.”
Mrs. Held and her brother and sister grew up hearing both English and German, and she later became fluent in German and even learned some Slovak, Margo said.
After graduating from high school in 1959, she did nurse training in St. Louis County and went to work at a hospital in Centralia.
“She and my dad, Alan, were married in May 1963,” Margo said. “They settled in Cape Girardeau while he finished his degree, and she worked in the hospital there. I was born in 1965.”
The Helds moved to Festus in 1970 with their three children. In addition to working part time, Mrs. Held was a room mother and closely involved with her children’s activities.
“Nothing ever slowed her down,” said second daughter Mary Proffer, 48, of Festus. “She was an excellent painter. That was one of her passions. She would sit downstairs for hours at her little artist desk.”
Mrs. Held worked mostly in the recovery room at Jefferson Memorial Hospital, now called Mercy Hospital Jefferson, in Crystal City, but floated in other departments as a part-timer until the sudden death of her husband in 1991.
“She went full time then; she said it was a way for her to kind of escape,” Margo said. “It carried her through a lot of the hard years after Dad died.”
Making her way as a single woman was rough, but Mrs. Held was up to the task.
“The people she worked with at the hospital were a huge saving grace,” Margo said. “All her friends were still married, and she felt kind of out of place. The nurses helped her find her new normal.”
Mrs. Held gradually adjusted and went on with her life.
“She had this insane social calendar,” Mary said. “She lived for her six grandchildren. She went to every game.”
“She was a widow for years but shopped like she was still cooking for a family of five.
She’d say she was going to make a certain thing on a certain day, and they’d make a point to go over and have lunch with grandma.”
Margo said a trip to the store with her mother was an exercise in patience.
“Between being involved in church, Our Lady (Church) and St. Pius, sports, the KC hall, the hospital – you couldn't go anywhere without running into someone she knew.”
In 1995, Mrs. Held and her sister began taking trips to Europe to explore genealogy and reconnect with extended family.
“They found cousins and distant relatives in Austria and the Czech Republic,” Mary said.
Traveling gave Mrs. Held even more confidence.
“That skill set of coping, learning to do things on her own, that she had to acquire after my dad died really helped her,” Margo said. “She jumped in and became seasoned pretty quickly, learning how to negotiate the train system in Austria. She was absolutely fearless.”
Andy said he corresponded with some of the European relatives in his mother’s last months, telling them of her illness.
“One was like, ‘I hope we get to see you again,’ and I said, ‘are you kidding?’” Andy said. “My mother and my aunt laid the foundation for a wonderful relationship with our intercontinental family. A trip is tentatively on the calendar for next summer.”
Mrs. Held was diagnosed with ALS in December 2016, and retired from her job and gave up driving.
“She was fiercely independent, and ALS ultimately took that from her,” her son said.
She underwent a hip replacement in late 2017 and was ‘like a new woman” for a time, Margo said, but eventually the muscle weakness took over.
“She began to suffer from slurred speech, lethargy, trouble swallowing,” Margo said.
A range of medications seemed to have no effect. By May, she had a feeding tube but continued losing weight at a steady pace.
“The treatment wore her out so much,” Margo said. “Every day or so there was some new problem – swallowing, speech, balance.”
She was hospitalized on May 25 and put on hospice care.
“We asked her if she wanted to go home on hospice but she said no,” Margo said. “The hospital was a familiar setting for her, and she trusted the people. So it gave her a sense of peace and comfort.”
The day of her wake fell on what would have been her 55th wedding anniversary.
“After 27 years of not being together on their anniversary, now she gets to spend one with my dad,” Andy said “That put a smile on our faces. She’s happy now, not suffering.”
Our Lady Pastor Jeffrey Maassen visited Mrs. Held several times in recent months. He made one comment that stuck with all three of her children.
“He said our mother was an ordinary woman who led an extraordinary life,” Andy said. “That couldn’t be more true.”
“Life Story,” posted each Saturday on Leader Publications’ website, focuses on one individual’s impact on his or her community.