Caren Kelly is a firm believer that every parent should take a mental health first aid class.
Her 17-year-old daughter, Camryn Tripp, died by suicide on Sept. 27, 2018.
“If I would have taken the course and been able to implement what I learned in the course, I believe Camryn would still be here today,” she said.
Camryn, who attended De Soto High School and then was homeschooled, was in counseling for anxiety and bipolar depression, but in the weeks before her death, she seemed to be improving.
Looking back, though, Caren sees that wasn’t the case and she missed some signs.
While Camryn seemed happy, her behavior and daily habits had changed.
“Not all the signs have to be bad. It’s not always doom and gloom,” she said. “Sometimes the signs can be good, like the week before Camryn passed away, she was getting up early, she was going outside and taking walks and drinking some morning coffee. You know, she was happy. She found a job she really loved and she actually was asking for more hours.
“We just thought she was turning a corner, when in reality, she was … I don’t know for sure, but I think she was trying to make us feel comfortable. She had it planned, I believe. And she was trying to tell us that she was going to be OK. She wanted us to remember her in a good way.”
That school year, four other local students died by suicide, Caren said.
After the fourth student died, Camryn’s father asked his daughter if she was OK.
“And she says, ‘Oh Dad, I’m fine. I would never do that. And that was like two weeks before (she took her life),” Caren said. “We don’t know, but I’m sure she was having suicidal ideation at that time.”
Caren said losing a child to suicide is something you think will never happen to you.
“You can try to do everything just right and try to be perfect, but I’m here to say that if this happened to me, it can happen to anybody.”
Camryn was talented. She was an excellent student and a good friend, her mother and stepfather, Jewel, said. She loved acting, hiking, collecting books, watching Marvel movies and having political debates.
“She was an excellent singer,” Caren said. “She was always in the house singing music, but as she progressed further down into her depression, she wasn’t singing much. I really miss (her singing). Thank goodness I have some video of her voice and her singing.”
Jewel said Camryn was good at drawing, even though she didn’t think she was.
“She was hard on herself. She was a perfectionist. She was very determined,” Caren added.
A Fighting Chance
Just six months after Camryn’s death, Caren and Jewel, who are area real estate agents, started A Fighting Chance Foundation “in honor of Camryn to fight the wars against suicide.”
“I made the decision where I just wasn’t going to curl up in bed and not get up anymore,” said Caren, who recently moved to Lake St. Louis from Festus. “I made a decision that I had to get up and do something.”
The Kellys said if their work spares one parent from the pain of losing a child to suicide, it’s worth it.
The foundation has board members from different backgrounds, including a doctor and a school district mental health coordinator.
The group’s goal is to help people recognize the signs of suicide and know how to respond.
It offers free mental health first aid training, and Caren said she hopes to offer three or four of them each year.
Two board members, Jewel and Adriana Canas-Polesel, an obstetrician/gynecologist, are certified mental health first aid instructors.
“Everyone should take mental health first aid,” Caren said. “The skills learned can save a life.
“I highly recommend every parent take the course even if your child is getting care from a physician or psychiatrist and in the care of a counselor; those experts do not live with you.
“You need to have the knowledge to be able to help your children when they are having a mental health issue or recognize when they are in crisis.”
The group will hold a free class from 8:30 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. Saturday, Sept. 30, at SSM Health St. Clare Hospital’s Ground Floor Conference Room C, 1015 Bowles Ave., in Fenton. Space is limited to 15 adults and registration is required. To register, send an email to acanaspol@gmail.com or text 314-681-3414. Lunch and snacks will be provided.
Jewel said the course teaches people how to watch for significant changes in behavior or signs of a mental health crisis.
“The intent is not to be a therapist, but the intent is simply, just like a lifeguard, they can recognize someone’s in danger in the pool,” he said. “After taking the course, you’re able to recognize when someone is having a mental health crisis.
“Your job is not to determine why. Your job is simply just to recognize that they’re having a mental health crisis and connect them to the appropriate resource.”
The course teaches attendees how to listen to a person with a mental health crisis without being judgmental and without trying to solve their problems.
Instead, he said people should provide those in crisis with resources, which can be as simple as telling them to call 988, the 24-hour Suicide/Crisis Lifeline.
“There are things we can do to help our loved ones, and they may not be necessarily receptive the first time or the second time, but it’s about not giving up,” Jewel said.
When someone is committed to taking their life, it’s hard to stop them but there are steps to take, like locking up weapons and medications.
Caren said Vivian James American Beauty, 519 Bailey Road, in Crystal City, is one of the first businesses in Jefferson County to be certified in mental health first aid.
The shop’s owner, Katy Lewis, said she met the Kellys at a painting night that A Fighting Chance Foundation held.
Lewis said she’s had her own personal mental health struggles and immediately fell in love with the couple and their cause.
After opening her salon, Lewis decided she wanted every stylist in her salon to be certified in mental health first aid. The foundation held a class at the salon for her workers.
Lewis said she will require any new hire to be certified within six months.
She said it makes sense for stylists to be certified because clients sit in the chairs and “spill their whole lives.”
Lewis said she wanted to equip her stylists with the ability to listen and recognize a mental health crisis.
Besides being certified, the stylists have pamphlets to hand out and A Fighting Chance business cards with positive sayings like, “Never, never give up” and “The world is a better place with you in it.”
Lewis said the course teaches people to speak with kindness rather than using labels or judgment. She cautioned not to tell someone in a mental health crisis that “things will get better” and that their problems “aren’t so bad.”
“Talk in a kind way, where they feel heard and not judged. The biggest thing is no judgment,” Lewis said. “You might think they are just complaining, but if you have taken this course, you can see they are crying out for help and (the problem) is a big problem.”
Lewis said one of her certified stylists recently helped a client seek treatment.
Talking about mental health
Jewel said A Fighting Chance also wants to reduce the stigma that surrounds mental illness and suicide and spark conversations about the issues.
“Mental health in America is a pandemic,” Jewel said. “And we have to bring every opportunity and every resource we have to fight this pandemic. That’s why we call it A Fighting Chance because you can’t be complacent … We’re not fighting back with bullets. We’re fighting back with education, with community, with engagement, with kindness, empathy.”
Caren said it is important to have open and honest conversations with your children about mental health.
When the Kellys are asked to speak at schools, they talk about the importance of mental health without going into details about their personal story, Jewel said.
“But we’re reinforcing that mental health is important and there are things people can do to get help,” Jewel said.
A Fighting Chance has received donations from businesses and community organizations. Caren said the Giving Something Back to the Community nonprofit group recently gave A Fight Chance $5,000, which will be used to provide classes.
For more information, find the group on Facebook or at afightingchancefoundation.net.