On June 8, my wife, Clementine, and I will celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary.
I love this woman.
As one would expect happens in every marriage, there are many things we do that make each other happy, as well as a few things we do that irritate each other.
Living with each other’s quirks either makes a relationship stronger or leads to problems.
I don’t believe my wife would divorce me. I sometimes think that she may do away with me in my sleep, but I don’t think she’ll divorce me.
We met when she was still a reporter. We worked at the same newspaper office. She later became a teacher.
I admire my Clementine for her beauty, her caring and her passion. Among the points I most appreciate her for:
■ She is a wonderful mother and has raised three outstanding kids.
■ She has become a good cook. At the start of our marriage, she was a shaky cook and I was a terrible handyman. As the years have passed, she has gotten better at preparing meals, while it’s still better off when it comes to tasks around the home if I don’t do it myself.
■ She and I both enjoy reading, particularly crime novels, so we’ll share books with each other. She has brought me into the world of Agatha Christie and we both relish Harry Bosch and Jack Reacher novels. The Reacher books are more about action than crime, but they often include solving crimes.
■ She and I enjoy going on walks together. When we had our twins, we became known as the couple who pushed their children in two-seat strollers through our neighborhood and, unbelievably, twice people along our route gave us their old, but expensive, two-seat strollers. Through the years, we have continued to go on walks in the neighborhood, in parks and wherever we spend our vacations.
■ We have fun playing board games with just us or with our kids or friends. We have been Boggle fans for years, but have learned new games as Clementine has found them in stores. We started playing Double Ditto last year after learning of it from Clementine’s brother and sister-in-law when we visited them in Florida.
As far as my wife’s quirks, she:
■ Has a passing relationship with time. Early in our marriage, I would give her trouble about her constantly running late. I finally gave up and started abiding by her schedule.
■ Has trouble deciding on what outfit to wear each time she leaves the house. When I have made the helpful suggestion that she should lay out her clothes for the next day each night, it leads to her verbally abusing me.
■ Is not a good passenger in vehicles. I encourage her to take naps when we go on extended trips, but she insists on staying awake so she can critique my driving.
■ Insists I am a bad shopper and forbids me from buying anything except what she puts on a list during the infrequent times she sends me to pick up a few items at the store. She will check the receipt when I get home to make sure I did not stray from the list. People at my office still bring up when I told them about my wife chastising me for going rogue one time and buying some bananas.
■ Enjoys what I would describe as “old people TV shows” such as “Matlock,” “Murder, She Wrote” and “The Golden Girls.” I don’t hate them, but would rather watch something made within the last 20 years.
■ Has repeatedly attempted to injure or kill me. The incident I refer to the most happened early in our marriage when she told me I needed to shower. When I stepped in, I found she had greased the bottom of the tub with some substance and I slid across. I wrenched my back trying to avoid further injury, but easily could have bashed my brains out on the shower wall.
■ She does not always appreciate my quick wit. There are times I make her laugh, but also other occasions when my attempts at levity get misinterpreted, which for all I know is related to the previous point.
■ Has mysteriously received mail from sources such as a home mortgage company in her name only, which makes me wonder if she’s made inquiries about how to handle the mortgage with me out of the picture.
I originally intended for Clementine to have half of my space for this column, but, pressed for time as a teacher as her school year comes to an end, she dashed off the following thoughts about our marriage:
“Growing up, I repeatedly heard women jokingly talk about having to mold their significant others into good husbands once everyone said, ‘I do.’ After nearly 20 years of being married to Kevin, I can say my experience has been no different.
“Our disagreements have tended to be centered on small issues related to day-to-day life, unspoken gems that clearly needed to be put into words. Some of those are as follows:
■ “Despite a lack of evidence at our house, men can plan for and cook dinner.
■ “Putting the chip bag back in the pantry with only three chips left in the bottom is cause for mutiny.
■ “No one will know what items you need from the grocery store unless they are added to the shopping list, and passing that information along at 9:58 p.m. through the bathroom door will get you nowhere.
“Still, Kevin is a fantastic husband. He is a source of stability, a piece of granite bolted to the ground as the hurricane force winds of the outside world pummel our little family to and fro. He is funny, generous, reliable and sentimental. Also, he is a loving father who would do anything for his kids.
“For all those reasons and many others, I love him and I feel lucky that he’s mine to mold.”
