With apologies to Clement Clarke Moore.
Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the county
The GOP celebrated
Its infinite bounty.
Christmas came early
Way back in November
With a great big ole landslide
Who needed December?
It’s been a good year
For the elephant bunch
As the courthouse it captured
Without throwing a punch.
For the donkeys, it’s hard
To not hold onto grudges.
They lost all their races
And even some judges.
Of 37 offices,
They held only eight.
Their own Christmas party
Could be held in a crate.
And what of the statehouse?
It looked like a rout
As pachyderms triumphed
And the Dems were knocked out.
On Greitens, on Hawley,
On Ashcroft and Blunt!
And down went the donkeys
– They forced them to punt.
For the state of Missouri
Had turned deeply red.
No visions of sugarplums –
The Dems were near dead.
There might be one hope
For the Jefferson Dems.
A Washington trainwreck
Could resuscitate them.
In two years or so
At the electoral dance
Some Trumpian missteps
Might give them a chance.
They’ll simmer in silence
while the GOP’s rootin’
for its bombastic leader
to grill his pal, Putin.
They’ll watch as he governs
And try not to puke.
They’ll pull for his screwups
– except with a nuke.
For elections work better
If there still are some voters
And not just some atoms
In the ocean as floaters.
But this is no season
For notions so scary.
We’ll count on the Joint Chiefs
If things get too hairy.
For Christmas we’d rather
Think thoughts bright and cheery
So don’t be so whiny
Instead just be beery.
So let’s all raise a toast
And empty our glass
And hope that our prez
Doesn’t fall on his nose.
’cause we win if he wins.
It’s a concept to master.
We don’t want our country
To become a disastah.
