The most important thing to Nancy Dilks was family – but not just in the traditional sense. Her daughter, Stacie Dilks, 36, says hardly anyone listed in her mother’s obituary was an actual relative by blood.
“But we are all family in the way that matters,” she said.
Mrs. Dilks died April 20 at age 66 of ovarian cancer.
She spent much of her life teaching deaf students.
“When she was a teen, my mom got sick with a really high fever and she lost her hearing temporarily,” Stacie said. “That experience made her realize how difficult it was to navigate the world without hearing, so she chose to pursue it as a career.”
Mrs. Dilks grew up in New Jersey, and after graduation from the University of Colorado in Greeley, she moved to Missouri for her first job, which was in Farmington.
“She established their whole program of deaf education, really,” Stacie said. “She had kindergarten through 12th grade in one classroom, at times as many as 12-14 students of all ages and abilities. She had aides and helpers, but she was the only full-time teacher. She stayed there 29 years.”
She hit it off with a science teacher named Steve Dilks, and the two were married in 1977 and adopted Stacie shortly afterward.
“All her family was back in New Jersey,” Stacie said. “So she kind of developed a surrogate family here.”
Darla Clark was a young sign language interpreter who worked closely with Mrs. Dilks, and the two bonded.
“Mom was such a natural caregiver,” Stacie said. “She kind of took Darla under her wing, professionally at first and then personally. Darla became a surrogate daughter to mom and a sister to me.”
The Dilkses divorced in 1988, and Mrs. Dilks and her daughter moved to Crystal City.
“Mom had become really involved in Victory Church in Pevely, and that’s where her friends were, her social group,” Stacie said.
She had many hobbies, including scrapbooking.
“There used to be a store in Crystal City and we’d sit around the table with other women and work on scrapbooks,” Stacie said. “She has one for me that has a page for every Christmas of my life.”
Bunco was another fun hobby for the family.
“She got together a group of women, mostly from her church, and they’d go to a different person’s house once a month to play,” Stacie said. “I’ve actually subbed in with them a few times, and it’s a lot of fun.”
Mrs. Dilks was a pushover when it came to her pets.
“She always had a heart for animals,” Stacie said.
Mrs. Dilks had two boxers, 80 pounds each, and liked to spoil them, giving them ice cream and letting them climb all over the furniture, Stacie said.
“The oldest one is deaf, and he knows sign language,” she said.
Mrs. Dilks also enjoyed traveling.
“Her sister has a house in Florida, so she (went) there once a year,” Stacie said. “Every other year, she (went) on ‘girl trips’ with friends from church. They’ve gone to the Smoky Mountains, Las Vegas, Chicago.”
Gardening was another passion.
“When we moved in, the house was in good structural shape but it wasn’t much to look at,” Stacie said. “But now, I can’t turn my head any direction without seeing some sort of garden element.”
Mrs. Dilks, who returned to school in the 1990s to get a master’s degree, retired from teaching in 2004.
“I was worried about her, frankly,” Stacie said. “I was at college and Darla was working full time, so we wondered how she would react. She was not an idle person.”
But, Mrs. Dilks found ways to fill her time. In addition to scrapbooking and gardening, she enjoyed camping, and had a site at the Clearwater campground for the camper she bought a few years ago, Stacie said.
Mrs. Dilks was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in 2015.
“She did chemo, the typical terrible cancer treatments,” Stacie said. “She was in and out of remission but ultimately it progressed.”
It was her surrogate daughter who shouldered most of the day-to-day care for Mrs. Dilks.
“Darla was a major caregiver,” Stacie said. “But she works full time. So the ladies – my mother’s friends – would come in every day and just do whatever she needed. Sometimes that was just sitting with her; sometimes it was laundry and housework. Some people drove her to chemo and scans. It was a real case of a village taking care of my mother.”
Stacie characterized her mother as “brave” during her fight against cancer.
“I usually hate when people say that because it sounds so trite,” Stacie said. “But she really was – Darla and I would get down but she never did.”
Mrs. Dilks went fairly quickly from stable to critical to being on hospice, Stacie said.
“She was up and talking and a couple of days later she was gone,” Stacie said. “She didn’t have weeks of pain and suffering, and I’m really grateful for that. It was sad, obviously, but also kind of peaceful in a way.
“I would never expect to use the word ‘lovely’ about the death of someone I love, but it kind of was. She was surrounded by people she loved, and she just went home.”
“Life Story,” posted each Saturday on Leader Publications’ website, focuses on one individual’s impact on his or her community.