Mark and Dawn Grotegeers of House Springs say you never forget the pain of losing a son or daughter, but sharing the memories of your child with others helps you cope with the grief.
The Grotegeers lost their son, Jacob Grotegeers, in a car accident on Hwy. 30 near Dillon Plaza in High Ridge on July 28, 2016, at age 23, said his father, Mark, 57.
For the fifth consecutive year, the Grotegeers will honor the memory of Jacob during the ninth annual Walking for Our Children event.
The Parents of Chapel Hill Support Group organizes the annual event, and this year it will be held at 10 a.m. Saturday, Sept. 12, at Northwest High School in Cedar Hill. The event also is sponsored by Cherish, a charitable organization created by Chapel Hill Mortuary.
When Jacob was a young boy, he was small for his age, but he was not shy, his mother, Dawn Grotegeers, 55, said.
“He was a very inquisitive, intelligent little kid,” she said. “He could strike up a conversation with somebody standing in the line at the grocery store.”
Dawn said he was a happy boy.
“If you could see the smile I have in my head of him standing with two of his Boy Scout kids, they had their arms over each other’s and just the cutest goofiest Cub Scouts, the goofiest grin,” she said.
When Jacob was in sixth grade in the Mehlville School District, he started having a rough time, though, Dawn said.
“He lost all of his bubbly, silly, happy kid life,” she said.
Dawn said the family moved to House Springs when Jacob was in high school, and he began attending Northwest High School, where things became a little easier for him.
“Everything in his life seemed to come a little later than (for other kids his age),” Dawn said. “He wasn’t on the normal timeline.”
But, by the time Jacob was 21 and started working at Target, life started looking brighter for her son, Dawn said.
“We saw him blooming again and his personality started opening,” she said. “He was joking and his coworkers loved him. He was funny. He was sarcastic, quite witty for his age.”
Dawn said he “regained the sense of who he was” and decided to go back to school to earn a degree so he could become a store manager.
He was talented at computer coding, too, she said.
“You wouldn’t believe the stuff he could create on a computer,” Dawn said.
“We were just on the cusp of seeing a huge change. It was like those dark years were falling behind. He could see the light at the end of the tunnel and he had a path that he wanted to take.”
But, then there was the accident.
Dawn and Mark said they joined the support group after Jacob died and a month later, they took part in their first Walking for Our Children.
“The greatest thing is that it allows us as a group to outwardly celebrate our children, our children we don’t have anymore,” Dawn said. “I’ve heard people that say, ‘Why aren’t they just getting over it?’ You don’t ever, ever get over that grief. It just becomes a part of you and you change when something like that happens.”
Mark said the whole first year after Jacob died was the hardest.
“You have all the firsts – the first birthday, first holiday, first Christmas, all the way up until the first anniversary of them passing,” he said.
Mark said the support group is a safe space for parents to feel emotions.
“The biggest impact right off the beginning was being in a room with people who understand what you’re going through,” he said. “You don’t have to explain. We never in our wildest dreams or even nightmares would have thought that this would have happened to us. It’s the stuff you see on the movies and on TV.”
Mark said every year the walk is “overwhelming” because of how many people gather.
He said the walk includes a balloon release, sharing of memories and more.
Dawn said her favorite part is the balloon release. “When you let them go, they all kind of connect. It’s like they’re on the same highway,” she said.
Dawn said Jacob’s eyes, heart valves, skin, bones, arteries and tendons were all donated to Mid-America Transplant.
“We do know that two men have received arteries from him,” she said.
Mark and Dawn have a daughter, Katie. “She is now the same age Jacob was when it (the accident) happened,” Dawn said. “So, you know, we’re still a little nervous.”
Participants will gather at 9:30 a.m. at the Northwest High School parking lot for the walk and will proceed from there to Chapel Hill Mortuary on Hwy. 30.
Chapel Hill chief operating officer Vicky James said the walk is about 1 mile long and anyone is welcome to join. There is no fee to participate.
Last year about 200 people took part, she said.
James said people will be “encouraged” to wear masks and stay 6 feet apart from others.