Published in the April 3 Leader.
Jerry Mathers, aka Beaver Cleaver, was in the county two weekends ago for a film festival. Coincidentally, it was just ahead of the filing deadline for 2014 primary elections.
That brief visit to Jefferson County from the faded glamour of Hollywood pointed out a growing threat to our republic. That is, more people were talking about Beaver Cleaver coming to De Soto for the weekend than the upcoming election.
This out-of-whack priority is proved time and again by comparing miserable voter turnout at local elections with the abundance of water cooler talk about the latest episode of “American Idol.”
Jerry Mathers won’t be making decisions that will affect our lives, but those people on the ballot will.
Today, we’ll take the best of both worlds. Let’s cast an important local race as though the contestants were from that mythical town of Mayfield, where the Cleavers held forth on television from 1957 to 1963.
There are some spooky, eerie similarities between some of the characters of that classic show and the real people headed for the ballot today.
One of the highest-profile races in Jefferson County is now locked in for November, for the 22nd District Missouri Senate seat, which covers the north half of the county. There are uncontested primary elections in August on both the Republican and Democratic tickets. The real struggle is going to be on Nov. 4 between two of Wally Cleaver’s best friends.
The Republicans are running Clarence “Lumpy” Rutherford and the Democrats are countering with Eddie Haskell. Their names in real life are Paul Wieland and Jeff Roorda, but we’ll just call them Lumpy and Eddie to keep the glamour theme going and try to hold more voters’ attention.
Lumpy has been a state representative for four years. He’s a nice man but, frankly, has not been a ball of fire in the Legislature. He can be counted on, and is counted on, by the Republican leadership to support its agenda, good and bad.
He toes the fiscal and social conservative line, which is good, but also votes with the whack jobs and black helicopter crowd that wants to make criminals out of law enforcement officers if they try to enforce federal gun laws. He doesn’t seem too eager to buck the leadership, even when it badly needs bucking.
Lumpy has worked in the insurance industry and has been interested in legislation that affects that business, including some bills that could be called consumer-friendly. He’s a sincere man.
Then there’s Eddie.
Like Television Eddie, this Eddie is a wheeler-dealer. He is a former police officer, another weird example of life imitating art. The fictional Eddie (Ken Osmond) became a police officer after the Beaver series ended.
Politician Eddie has some of Television Eddie’s other traits. He is unfailingly polite to grownups, except possibly the Speaker of the House, with whom he nearly came to fisticuffs on the House floor one time.
Both Eddies are clever, and both are adept at putting themselves in the best possible light.
The fallout for people nearby doesn’t concern them. They’re both well focused on No. 1.
Television Eddie became an icon in American culture by playing the first openly two-faced American character on a TV show.
He constantly ridiculed and bullied Beaver (unless Wally was present) while maintaining a gooey-sweet disposition around authority figures like Ward and June Cleaver, neither of whom bought his act.
When Politician Eddie lost his House seat to Lumpy in the 2010 Republican sweep, he ran again in 2012 to keep his name in front of the public for the 2014 Senate race. About five minutes after being sworn into his regained House seat in early 2013, Eddie announced for the Senate.
Handicapping the 2014 Eddie and Lumpy race is difficult. Eddie is much smoother, more forceful and a better talker than Lumpy (or just about anyone else). But Lumpy is a Republican in what is an increasingly Republican county and state.
If Lumpy had a mentor, an experienced hand in the political game who knew how to run for a Senate seat, he might still prevail. Just as Television Lumpy had his dad, Fred Rutherford, to keep him on the straight and narrow, Politician Lumpy could turn to his Fred – former state Sen. Kevin Engler.
Again, judge for yourself on the resemblance, gentle readers:
Engler, a Festus native, is now in the Missouri House of Representatives. The photo above is dated – Engler now sports a stylish goatee, a shaved head and wirerim glasses. Of course, Fred’s photo is dated, too, so that seemed fair.
Engler served two terms in the Senate from the 3rd District, part of which represents the south half of Jefferson County, before returning to the House because of term limits.
If anyone could guide Lumpy to victory, it would be Fred, er Kevin.
If this analysis works out and captures the public’s interest, we may continue it later in the election season. Will Larry Mondello enter Jefferson County politics? Whitey or Gilbert could make attractive candidates, but probably not the class snitch, Judy.
Will June or Ward make an appearance? How about Wally, or even the Beav himself?
Just be careful if any of them fling themselves into politics.
They could be giving you the business.
