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By Lauren Wilkin
A therapist has revealed the five most common reasons couples get a divorce — as statistics shows roughly 42% of first marriages will end in divorce.
"I've been a couples therapist for 25 years," says Mary McLaughlin, who owns a private practice offering couple's therapy.
"I'm also a certified discernment counselor in Vienna, Virginia who specializes in helping couples who aren't sure their marriage can continue," she adds.
The expert says there are some reasons for divorce that she sees over and over again. Below are the five most common:
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1. Feeling disconnected from your partner
"Women who have felt unheard, unimportant, or emotionally disconnected for years are more likely to initiate divorce," Mary says.
"In these cases, there's not an event that happened that destroyed the marriage.
"It's the accumulation of evidence that they don't matter."
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2. Not being able to make your partner happy
Mary, who helps couples navigate relationship distress, infidelity and communication challenges, says one common reason for divorce is "men feeling like they're always in the doghouse."
She cites statements like: "What do you want from me?" "It's never enough. I just can't get it right!"
"I see this frequently. When someone feels like they can never make their partner happy, they eventually stop trying.
"I hear this more from men, although women can certainly feel this way too," Mary adds.
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3. There's no compromise
Mary says that "when there's a perpetual problem and compromise isn't an option," it's often a recipe for disaster.
"Some problems can be negotiated. Others can't," she says.
"If one person wants children but the other doesn't, there's no compromise that leaves both feeling satisfied.
"Sometimes there are deal-breakers and ending the marriage feels like the only option."
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4. Betrayal
Repeated betrayals is one of the most common reasons for a marriage ending, Mary observes.
"Many couples can survive and even thrive after an affair if there's proper repair.
"What I see ending marriages more often is repeated betrayals.
"If there's another affair or the first one didn't fully end or the details come in one drip at a time, this puts the marriage at great risk of divorce.
"Eventually the betrayed spouse has had enough."
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5. The parent-child dynamic
"One spouse has become the parent and the other has become the child.
"I see this dynamic quite a bit when one partner feels they are over-functioning and their partner is not stepping up to the plate.
"If one person is primarily responsible for the household, the kids, remembering appointments, planning the vacations - it takes a toll and resentment sets in.
"The story becomes 'I want a partner, not another child.'"