The holiday season can bring extra stress for both parents and children alike, said Dr. Duru Sakhrani, M.D., a board-certified general psychiatrist and child and adolescent psychiatrist who works for the Compass Health Network.
Dr. Duru Sakhrani
Sakhrani, who has been named a distinguished fellow by the American Psychiatric Association and the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, said that preparation may help mitigate the impact of stress as challenges arise.
“The last two months of the year are probably the highest stress-level months,” she said. “So if you are aware of the stressors and the limitations of these months, then you are better able to prepare yourself.”
Childhood stress
Sakhrani said children may begin showing signs of stress by the time fall arrives when the first quarter of school is ending and classes become more demanding. Parent-teacher conferences, first-quarter report cards and an increase in school activities, such as sports practices and games; school plays; and music recitals and concerts, may bring more stress.
She said changes outside school, such as shortened daylight hours, which reduces the amount of time children have for outdoor activities, also may bring stress. The end of daylight saving time also changes children’s sleeping patterns, which can create stress.
“Every layer of increased need for performance, wherever it may be, brings about a corresponding change in the stress level of children,” Sakhrani said. “Then just as we are transitioning through these, we start hitting the holiday mark. We have Halloween and right after Halloween is Thanksgiving, then Christmas. Stress starts building up very quickly for kids. Any change in the environment is already very stressful, but when there are constant demands on their attention and for social adaptation, it gets very difficult.”
Sakhrani said the combination of social demands from home and friends; academic demands from school; and changing sleep patterns may create the perfect conditions for stress to reach unusually high levels.
Sakhrani said parents should closely monitor school reports and parent portals and pay attention if their child becomes more withdrawn or irritable or starts acting out.
She said parents should be vigilant about their children’s stress levels and step in to help if needed. The first step could be simply helping the child prioritize what they need to do, like helping them figure out which order to tackle their homework.
“If the child is not able to prioritize, then step in and give some help before they totally get off track,” she added.
Sakhrani said another way for parents to help children reduce stress is by practicing the art of saying no to them, even if it upsets them.
“You don’t need to go to three Halloween parties and four trunk-or-treats. This really hits its peak because of our family and social obligations during the holidays, especially at Christmas,” she said. “A parent should practice saying, ‘This is enough, and we are only going to do this many things.’”
She said parents may also help their children learn how to prioritize their commitments by creating a shared family calendar and displaying it at home.
Sakhrani said moods and worries wax and wane, but if high stress gets in the way of children functioning normally at home or school; keeps them from hanging out with friends; or leads them to withdraw from typical life activities or turn to substance abuse, it is time to act.
Sakhrani said parents may take their children to Compass’ Open Access hours from 8 a.m. to 4 p.m. Monday through Friday to receive same-day behavioral health support.
“Open Access is the point where all campus services begin. You can come in for a free evaluation and talk about what is going on so we can identify any services that may be applicable for your child or for you, the parent, and so we can start interventions when they’re ready,” Sakhrani said.
Adult stress
Sakhrani said it’s important for adults to try to keep their stress in check for the well-being of their children.
“When the parents are not functioning well, children don’t function well. It’s a reflection of the dynamics of the home,” she said. “Kids are very sensitive. They’re very perceptive that something’s not going well in the environment, and they have a very hard time functioning well when they know the family head or the parents are having a hard time.”
Sakhrani said the holiday season can increase stress for adults due to increased social and financial demands. She said financial stressors can become more extreme with the pressure of purchasing gifts for children, friends and family; participating in additional social activities; traveling; and purchasing new clothing.
“We try to meet social demands of keeping up with what our children want; what we want our children to have; what we want to give other people; how we participate in social activities and parties; as well as putting up with expenses of travel and putting up with expenses of having great clothes. Financial stressors are huge at this time of the year,” she said.
Sakhrani said those who already were dealing with financial stressors often face amplified stress during the holiday season.
“All of these play into the stable functioning of a family,” she said.
Sakhrani said stress can be even worse for parents with separate custody.
“If we’re talking about a two-parent family, that’s one thing. It gets complicated when there is a blended family versus when there are separate parents with custody issues,” she said. “Who gets what without hurting the other person? And with the transportation arrangements and the holiday arrangements, it gets to be a very complicated time of the year.”
Sakhrani said adults must be careful about how they try to mitigate stress and not rely on substance use as an escape.
“Whether it’s alcohol or marijuana or any other substance, it almost becomes the go-to to relieve stress.”
Sakhrani said a much healthier alternative is to learn and practice relaxation techniques.
“This is easy to say but very hard to do,” she added.
Practicing stress-reducing techniques before stressful situations arise is the key to combatting stress,” Sakhrani said.
Techniques can include practicing mindfulness, deep breathing, stretching and taking some quiet time alone. The techniques can help people focus and calm down before they get out of control.
Keeping both a centralized schedule and a budget also can help families from overcommitting themselves, which can help prevent stress, she said.
Sakhrani said communication about mental health is crucial.
“It’s very essential to discuss that mental health needs to be a priority in recognition and treatment. We are in a generation where we are much more open in understanding mental health needs,” she said. “When you sense that something is not looking or feeling right, by all means follow that gut feeling.”
For those who are having trouble coping with stress, help is available at Compass’s free Open Access evaluation, Sakhrani said.
“Open Access is really (about meeting) the needs of anybody who is in a bad place and cannot really think what they need. We are here to help determine what is going on and what may be the next best step for you,” she said.
Those with more immediate needs may call 988, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. Phone calls to 988 are directed to an agency that specifically covers the local area and can send emergency medical services if needed.
Sakhrani said Compass also offers behavioral health crisis centers and clinics.
“All these acting together certainly produce a safety net of mental health resources that serve the community at crisis times or at regular times,” she said.
The seven Compass locations where Open Access is available are 222 N. Mill St. (lower level), Festus; 148 Richardson Road, Arnold; 21 Municipal Drive, Arnold; 1817 Gravois Road, High Ridge; 5684 Hwy. PP, High Ridge; 4 Hickory Ridge Road, Suite 600, Hillsboro; and 351 Main St. (court services), Hillsboro. For more information, call 844-853-8937.
In addition to Compass, the following resources are also available:
■ Chestnut Health Systems has an outpatient office at 102 Fourth St. in Hillsboro where adult and youth mental health and substance abuse services are offered. For an appointment, call 800-446-0972.
■ Lutheran Family and Children’s Services of Missouri provides telehealth services, as well as services at locations throughout Missouri. For more information about LFCS services, email help@lfcs.org or call 1-866-326-LFCS (5327).
■ St. Louis Counseling, a ministry of Catholic Charities of the Archdiocese of St. Louis, offers professional counseling and psychiatric services at five offices, including ones in Herculaneum and Fenton. Schedule an in-person or virtual appointment by calling 314-544-3800 or visit SaintLouisCounseling.org. People also may access Chatbot Hope 24 hours a day by texting “Hi” to 202-949-7249.
■ ASPEN Network Inc., a nonprofit organization, has a virtual resource directory that includes validated mental health and substance abuse resources in the St. Louis region, including Jefferson County. At this time, more than 400 mental health resources and other types of information may be found there, including more than 75 in Jefferson County. Visit aspennetworkinc.org to find more information.