I’ve seen a lot of headlines lately lamenting the fact that people don’t “hang out” as much as they used to. I’ve read an equal number of stories about what mental health experts are calling a “loneliness epidemic.”
I guess I’ve noticed those stories because I feel like I’m part of the unfortunate trend, which, for me, began after the COVID-19 pandemic forced me to isolate at home.
After spending more than a year away from the office and mostly away from family and friends, I got used to living a more isolated and, yes, lonely life. And, even after returning to work and getting out in public again, it often seemed easier to continue my hermit-like existence and forego the activities that used to bring me so much joy.
I’ve always been a bit of a homebody, but before the pandemic, my husband and I typically went out at least once a week, dining at a restaurant or taking in a movie, play or concert. Often, friends joined us on those outings.
We used to entertain a lot more, inviting friends over for dinner or to play games or hang out at the pool during the summer.
We used to travel more, too, sometimes visiting with friends on those trips.
Even though it’s been a few years since the COVID shutdown, my social life has continued to suffer and I’ve spent too little time with my friends.
I have a busy job with long hours, so when I get some free time, it’s easier to just go home and hole up with my husband or sit in front of the TV. While I enjoy that time, I’m fortunate to have some wonderful friends with whom I’ve shared decades, and I miss them.
While the support we receive from family is important, so is the connection we have with our friends, or “framily,” as some people like to call their closest friends.
I recently realized I have been taking my friendships for granted and need to put more time and effort into them, whether it’s just hanging out with friends at one of our houses, meeting up for dinner or even traveling to see each other.
Recently, I did just that, and it was a great time, well worth the expense and the travel headaches.
My husband and I went to Nashville for a long weekend to visit with one of my dearest friends, Kathy, whom I’ve known since I was 7 when my family moved from St. Louis to a home in the Arnold area.
Kathy, her parents and seven siblings lived two doors down from our new home, and she and I became fast friends and remain so to this day.
While she moved to the Atlanta area many years ago, we still keep in touch through phone calls and texts, and until the pandemic, we even got together a couple of times a year.
When she and her husband came to St. Louis for my son’s wedding in May, it had been five years since we’d seen each other.
We decided that night to never again let so much time pass between visits and made plans to meet up half way in Nashville. So, my husband and I joined her and her husband, along with Kathy’s sister and my friend, Jane, and her husband, in downtown Nashville, spending three days together listening to good music; enjoying some good food and drink; sharing lots of laughs and, most importantly, catching up.
Both Kathy and I noticed how once we were together, it was like no time had passed, picking up just where we last left off, reminiscing about the good old days and having no trouble sharing the personal details of our current lives.
Since the trip, I’ve been in more frequent contact with Kathy, texting to check in about her husband’s recent surgery and discussing the election results, and we’ve already made plans to get together in St. Louis next summer.
I also will try my darnedest to get to Atlanta again one of these days.
I’ve known my other closest friend, Lisa, since we were seventh-graders at Ridgewood Middle School (called junior high back then).
So, Lisa and I also have nearly an entire life in common.
Luckily, Lisa lives in Fenton, so we get to see each other more often, but it’s still not as frequent as it once was, and I vow to do better and make more time for her, too.
Studies show that people who spend time with friends are less lonely and more happy. Having close friendships helps buffer the effects of stress on the body and brain, leading to better mental, physical and emotional health, the experts say.
I’m fortunate to have some wonderful friends. They’re smart, funny and compassionate, and they “get me” like few others do. Most of all, they’re a joy to be around.
We’re living in divisive times, so it’s more important than ever to surround ourselves with people we care about and who care about us.
As we get older, we lose more and more of our family and friends, so it’s crucial to hold tight to our loved ones, friends included.
In order to maintain those strong connections and stave off the loneliness that can take hold, we must do all we can to nurture our friendships and keep them alive and well. We owe it to ourselves, and, most of all, to our dear friends.